The other day Andrea and I went shopping and chatted about Christmas gifts. She, like me, gets more of a "kick" giving presents to people than receiving a gift for ourselves. But, let me tell you, the parcel I got yesterday put that philosophy to test.
Thursday was typical of what I'm calling my "new normal". It included a frustrating lunch hour walking the aisles at Home Depot looking for materials for the new floor going into the bathroom. (Who knew a person would need so much C-R-A-P just to have somebody lay a vinyl floor?) I had also spent much of the morning in an anxious mood since I couldn't reach Michael on the phone until 11:45. His new health care aide was supposed to start visiting him yesterday and of course he gave me a lot of grief about it. (Pray he doesn't fire this one!) After work: a quick stop to see my sister-in-love to pick up a ticket for the church's Christmas pageant, grocery shopping and then home to fix dinner. Dinner in the oven, I noticed two boxes stacked by the front door. One, I knew was some things I ordered for Andrea. The other?
It was a lovely quilt with matching pillowcase my on-line quilting buddies created for me. I stood in the kitchen with the quilt draped over my arms and sobbed. This quilt has to be the most unexpected, loving thing anybody has ever done for me. The card with the gift said they can't be here in person to provide comfort, a quilt made with love is the next best thing. And the back of the quilt is signed with all their names - ten gals from across the US and Canada.
It was a while before I could compose myself and show the quilt to Michael. He agreed it was a truly beautiful gift and my friends were indeed special.
I knew that already.
**************
Michael didn't fire the home health aide (a miracle!) He wasn't feeling up to a full shower, but the aide washed his hair. He sleeps most of the time these days, and is beginning to experience things which indicate a he's ready to leave this world. When he is awake, he struggles for breath despite the oxygen machine at its maximum setting. I spend a lot of my evenings and weekends fetching pills, making proper British tea, adjusting oxygen settings and serving his meals in bed.
Very little sewing, although I have a quilt on the frame right now that has to be finished by next Saturday. AND, there's another small quilt that needs to be quilted in time for a Christmas gift. I should be able to finish both with time to spare whilst Michael sleeps this weekend. Andrea's going to Columbus with her dad.
Before last night, it was tough for me to get into the Christmas frame of mind. I think I'll drag all the decorations out tonight and get started.
Love ya,
Cathy
Friday, December 10, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A Different Direction
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. We had a quiet one with just me, Michael, Andrea, Danny and Danny's girlfriend. The turkey's still not gone, which Sophie thinks is wonderful. (Never seen a kitten eat like her!)
The biggest news concerns Michael. He accepted Jesus on Saturday! Words cannot express how much of a burden has been lifted with that faith statement. His eldest daughter, Leah, wrote him a heartfelt letter in which she told him to read specific sections of the Bible. I read them out loud to him and then asked the question, "Do you believe?" after reading. After all these years, I expected to hear the same old stock answer from him. But prayers have worked, my friends. Don't ever doubt that!!!!
In the health area: worse. He felt so poorly by Saturday night he wanted me to admit him to the in-patient unit at Hospice. I told him, let's wait until tomorrow to see how you feel. Fortunately, he did feel better. Unfortunately, I told Leah about it via an e-mail. She phoned after church and couldn't stop crying the entire time we talked. The last few days have been OK for Michael: sleeping a lot, very little physical activity. It's tough for him to even talk on the phone. His hospice nurse explained that he's maxed out on the oxygen - any more would be useless since his lungs aren't capable of processing the exchange. I asked the nurse last Wednesday if she thought his lungs were worse and she said decidedly so. I was quiet for a few seconds and she continued, "I don't know how much longer he has."
I know many of you believe in and pray to our God consistently. Pray for a quick and painless change for Michael from this life into God's loving arms. Both he and I pray for that. I know it's a different direction, but it's what we think is best for Michael.
There are times I want to go into my sewing room, shut the door and not leave. Sewing is my daily therapy, time permitting. The kittens have discovered how much they can get into in that room, so many times I have to "enforce" the rules mid-seam. Believe it or not, work has been good therapy for me as well. It's a different type of lunacy and my girlfriends at the office are extremely supportive.
It's difficult to even think about Christmas shopping (Usually have most of it done by now.) Andrea and I are going to decorate the house after the cleaning lady does her work on Friday. It'll give Milly and Sophie something else to destroy other than my batting pile!
Love ya,
Cathy
The biggest news concerns Michael. He accepted Jesus on Saturday! Words cannot express how much of a burden has been lifted with that faith statement. His eldest daughter, Leah, wrote him a heartfelt letter in which she told him to read specific sections of the Bible. I read them out loud to him and then asked the question, "Do you believe?" after reading. After all these years, I expected to hear the same old stock answer from him. But prayers have worked, my friends. Don't ever doubt that!!!!
In the health area: worse. He felt so poorly by Saturday night he wanted me to admit him to the in-patient unit at Hospice. I told him, let's wait until tomorrow to see how you feel. Fortunately, he did feel better. Unfortunately, I told Leah about it via an e-mail. She phoned after church and couldn't stop crying the entire time we talked. The last few days have been OK for Michael: sleeping a lot, very little physical activity. It's tough for him to even talk on the phone. His hospice nurse explained that he's maxed out on the oxygen - any more would be useless since his lungs aren't capable of processing the exchange. I asked the nurse last Wednesday if she thought his lungs were worse and she said decidedly so. I was quiet for a few seconds and she continued, "I don't know how much longer he has."
I know many of you believe in and pray to our God consistently. Pray for a quick and painless change for Michael from this life into God's loving arms. Both he and I pray for that. I know it's a different direction, but it's what we think is best for Michael.
There are times I want to go into my sewing room, shut the door and not leave. Sewing is my daily therapy, time permitting. The kittens have discovered how much they can get into in that room, so many times I have to "enforce" the rules mid-seam. Believe it or not, work has been good therapy for me as well. It's a different type of lunacy and my girlfriends at the office are extremely supportive.
It's difficult to even think about Christmas shopping (Usually have most of it done by now.) Andrea and I are going to decorate the house after the cleaning lady does her work on Friday. It'll give Milly and Sophie something else to destroy other than my batting pile!
Love ya,
Cathy
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Update and Explanation
First of all, no, I have not morphed into a cat. I started a blog written as if I were my kitten Milly. Check it out if you need a bit of silliness.
Sewing? Yes, I've gotten some done, but very little. After I completed the wedding quilt, my sewing room looked like a fabric bomb exploded in it. First order of business was to get the area looking respectable and workable. Accomplished! By then, it was time to pack and leave for our Memphis adventure.
First - watched "Little Shop of Horrors" at the high school. My nephew, Wesley, played the shop owner and did a fantastic job singing and dancing whilst being "eaten" by the infamous Audrey II.
Andrea and I flew to Memphis early last Friday morning. Exciting stuff for us gals who rarely leave Ohio. My cousin, PJ, married the girl of his dreams on Saturday. In between all the wedding festivities, we toured Beale Street, visited with family we haven't seen in years and ate too much (of course!) It felt WONDERFUL getting away from the home front pressures for three days. I was happy and at ease.
Michael wasn't far from my thoughts, however. I arranged for people to be with him and stocked the house with all his favorite foods. At first, he was cranky and took it out on Andrea before we left. (She's barely speaking to him still and I can't blame her for that.) He soaked in all the attention from his visitors and was as sweet at he could be be with them. Thus far this week, he's not been good. His oxygen needs have increased dramatically (up to nine liters on the ten liter machine that we obtained just a month or so ago). He stayed in bed for most of Tuesday - I served him dinner in bed. He fired his home health care aide last week, which irritated both me and his nurse. It was obvious by Sunday night that he hadn't showered for days - he smelled bad! So, I stripped his bed Monday morning, washed everything and told him there was no way he was getting into that ultra-clean bed stinking like a pole cat. It took him 90 minutes, but he did get showered. I'm not helping. If he refuses the help I hired for him, then he can do it on his own and struggle.
During the wedding reception, I talked with a cousin who was diagnosed with the same disease Michael has. He's taking the same medications Michael was five years ago. What anguish I felt for him since I KNOW what lies ahead. He knows now that he can phone or e-mail if there is anything I can do to help.
So, try as I might, the "glow" from the trip is wearing off. The counselor I've been seeing recommended I take time off every now and then, just a day or even a few hours at a time, to do something for myself. It's tough when my husband doesn't recognize its importance and accuses me of abandoning him. She also suggested I hire a cleaning lady, which I've done beginning next week!
Got to sew for 30 minutes last night and how fantastic did that feel! Working on a Bento Box quilt for the quilt contest at Joann's. Andrea chose the fabrics and once the blocks are together, she will help with placement. She claims if I win a prize, she gets to keep it. We'll see.....
Love to you all,
Cathy
Sewing? Yes, I've gotten some done, but very little. After I completed the wedding quilt, my sewing room looked like a fabric bomb exploded in it. First order of business was to get the area looking respectable and workable. Accomplished! By then, it was time to pack and leave for our Memphis adventure.
First - watched "Little Shop of Horrors" at the high school. My nephew, Wesley, played the shop owner and did a fantastic job singing and dancing whilst being "eaten" by the infamous Audrey II.
Andrea and I flew to Memphis early last Friday morning. Exciting stuff for us gals who rarely leave Ohio. My cousin, PJ, married the girl of his dreams on Saturday. In between all the wedding festivities, we toured Beale Street, visited with family we haven't seen in years and ate too much (of course!) It felt WONDERFUL getting away from the home front pressures for three days. I was happy and at ease.
Michael wasn't far from my thoughts, however. I arranged for people to be with him and stocked the house with all his favorite foods. At first, he was cranky and took it out on Andrea before we left. (She's barely speaking to him still and I can't blame her for that.) He soaked in all the attention from his visitors and was as sweet at he could be be with them. Thus far this week, he's not been good. His oxygen needs have increased dramatically (up to nine liters on the ten liter machine that we obtained just a month or so ago). He stayed in bed for most of Tuesday - I served him dinner in bed. He fired his home health care aide last week, which irritated both me and his nurse. It was obvious by Sunday night that he hadn't showered for days - he smelled bad! So, I stripped his bed Monday morning, washed everything and told him there was no way he was getting into that ultra-clean bed stinking like a pole cat. It took him 90 minutes, but he did get showered. I'm not helping. If he refuses the help I hired for him, then he can do it on his own and struggle.
During the wedding reception, I talked with a cousin who was diagnosed with the same disease Michael has. He's taking the same medications Michael was five years ago. What anguish I felt for him since I KNOW what lies ahead. He knows now that he can phone or e-mail if there is anything I can do to help.
So, try as I might, the "glow" from the trip is wearing off. The counselor I've been seeing recommended I take time off every now and then, just a day or even a few hours at a time, to do something for myself. It's tough when my husband doesn't recognize its importance and accuses me of abandoning him. She also suggested I hire a cleaning lady, which I've done beginning next week!
Got to sew for 30 minutes last night and how fantastic did that feel! Working on a Bento Box quilt for the quilt contest at Joann's. Andrea chose the fabrics and once the blocks are together, she will help with placement. She claims if I win a prize, she gets to keep it. We'll see.....
Love to you all,
Cathy
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Kindness And Rays of Sunshine
In my last post, I mentioned contacting Mason Cares for a bit of help with the yard work - a few big logs to be moved and weeds in the flower bed. At 9 am Saturday, 20 + people arrived at my house armed with leaf blowers, rakes, and just about every garden tool imaginable. Several women brought ready to heat meals for us. For three hours, these "angels" worked on the yard, weeding, mowing, cutting, installing a window well cover, re-stacking firewood, you name it - they did it. When the mulch I purchased the previous night proved to not be enough, the team leader picked up a truck full of the stuff and told me I owed him nothing. The little children in the group sat on my porch and made cards for us. Both Michael and I were in tears by the loving kindness shown to us by these volunteers. Our yard is now ready for winter and looks fantastic. I am so very, very grateful and in awe that so many people helped us. I'm still smiling four days later.
With a lot of anxiety, Andrea and I met with the team at school on Monday morning to get her transitioned back into high school. As the meeting progressed, Andrea's voice became more sure, the hand wringing lessened and I may have even spotted a smile or two. It's evident they're supporting her and doing whatever is possible to help my daughter - not just performing their jobs...they came across truly caring. The past few days have been uneventful and even happy ones for her and I. Let's pray it continues.
Unfortunately, the warm glow created by the volunteers didn't last long for Michael. He was back to being a cranky, fussy git by Monday. As one friend mentioned to me this morning - that's nothing new. LOL. The home health care aide came to the house on Monday and was told he didn't need no stinkin' shower. So, she folded laundry. Today? I'm not sure, but when I return home, I'm sure to hear about it. The nurse came today as well, so add that to the list of issues - no more than one visitor a day - otherwise, it's too much, according to Michael. He slept most of yesterday - not even bothering to dress - wore his bathrobe all day. That's a biggie folks. Dressing is too much of a strain. So is showering, but his pride won't stand aside. Somehow he forgets about the choking and gasping with every shower/shave.
Toward the middle of last week, Michael heard a bird splat against our picture window in the breakfast nook. It happens all the time, but he still looked out the window - no bird, but he heard a soft "Meow" coming from the covered gas grill. The "noise" walked around the patio and he caught it on film - a tiny black and white kitten. By the time I came home from work, no sign of the kitten on the patio, so Andrea and I walked around. The poor thing fell into the window well and couldn't get out. Andrea scooped it up, I phoned the vet and somewhere between all that, we adopted a second kitten. Her name is Sophie. Sophie's still getting used to us and meows a lot. She's about six weeks old now and finds it hard to fend off Milly's play. I hear as Sophie gets older, the constant meowing will lessen and she will play with Milly without seeming to get her head bitten off. (Milly's too used to rough play with Daisy.) There is definitely something to be said for loving pets though -takes your mind off your own troubles. Andrea's responsible for Sophie and truly, truly loves that little kitten.
Well, that's it in a nutshell. Things brightened up around us. I'm feeling a bit less stressed and more rested. Let's hope that's a continuing trend.
Love ya,
Cathy
With a lot of anxiety, Andrea and I met with the team at school on Monday morning to get her transitioned back into high school. As the meeting progressed, Andrea's voice became more sure, the hand wringing lessened and I may have even spotted a smile or two. It's evident they're supporting her and doing whatever is possible to help my daughter - not just performing their jobs...they came across truly caring. The past few days have been uneventful and even happy ones for her and I. Let's pray it continues.
Unfortunately, the warm glow created by the volunteers didn't last long for Michael. He was back to being a cranky, fussy git by Monday. As one friend mentioned to me this morning - that's nothing new. LOL. The home health care aide came to the house on Monday and was told he didn't need no stinkin' shower. So, she folded laundry. Today? I'm not sure, but when I return home, I'm sure to hear about it. The nurse came today as well, so add that to the list of issues - no more than one visitor a day - otherwise, it's too much, according to Michael. He slept most of yesterday - not even bothering to dress - wore his bathrobe all day. That's a biggie folks. Dressing is too much of a strain. So is showering, but his pride won't stand aside. Somehow he forgets about the choking and gasping with every shower/shave.
Toward the middle of last week, Michael heard a bird splat against our picture window in the breakfast nook. It happens all the time, but he still looked out the window - no bird, but he heard a soft "Meow" coming from the covered gas grill. The "noise" walked around the patio and he caught it on film - a tiny black and white kitten. By the time I came home from work, no sign of the kitten on the patio, so Andrea and I walked around. The poor thing fell into the window well and couldn't get out. Andrea scooped it up, I phoned the vet and somewhere between all that, we adopted a second kitten. Her name is Sophie. Sophie's still getting used to us and meows a lot. She's about six weeks old now and finds it hard to fend off Milly's play. I hear as Sophie gets older, the constant meowing will lessen and she will play with Milly without seeming to get her head bitten off. (Milly's too used to rough play with Daisy.) There is definitely something to be said for loving pets though -takes your mind off your own troubles. Andrea's responsible for Sophie and truly, truly loves that little kitten.
Well, that's it in a nutshell. Things brightened up around us. I'm feeling a bit less stressed and more rested. Let's hope that's a continuing trend.
Love ya,
Cathy
Monday, October 18, 2010
My Time
Spent between caring for a dying husband and a daughter recovering from an eating disorder, my time is very precious.
My weekend was partially consumed with shopping with Andrea, which at first I felt guilty about. But, when you think about it, it is something she greatly enjoys and gives her happiness. In a way, it is helping her to return to being healthy and feeling "normal". She's turning into quite the clothes/shoes consumer, let me tell you. AND, she knows how to spot a bargain. We each bought at least two new outfits for my cousin's wedding and rehearsal dinner the first weekend in November. (Our plane tickets are also purchased for that event, really looking forward to it!)
Michael had a melt-down on Saturday night. He insisted on cutting his own hair and trimming his beard, which he has done for decades. Something which once came so easily is now a life-threatening effort. He cried for an hour about losing life bit by bit. He wants to die and who can blame him? When I phoned the house this morning, he was of the same mind-set and begged me to phone his hospice volunteer and cancel for this afternoon. I refused to do it, stating it may make him feel better. He tends to perk up when there are other folks around, as if to impress them and be a bit of a performer. And you know what, I was right! He sounded a lot better this afternoon. I phoned his hospice nurse who is going to have the respiratory therapist stop at the house. We're also going to set up visits from home health care aides from now on. It's time.
I read an ad in the weekly paper about an organization called Mason Serves which helps with work around the house. I phoned them this morning and we may ask them to do some of the chores in the yard which Danny unfortunately didn't have the time to get to this summer. I've never had to ask for help with my home, so making that phone call this morning made me swallow my pride a bit. But there are things I cannot do - such as the big logs in the middle of the yard, the well cover on the foundation window, etc. Things which Michael could have done three years ago.....
Me? I did a bit of quilting on the frame. My goal is to get the current project on the frame quilted by this time next week, so that will give me plenty of time for the hand sewing on the binding. There's a quilters' meeting at church tonight I've love to attend, but things being what they are with Michael, I may skip it. Depends on how he and Andrea are doing.
Andrea is supposed to transition back to school this week. Please keep her in your prayers. She's quite anxious about returning.
And while you're at it, remember me in your prayers. At times I feel like my foundation is cracking, but then I remember how many of you, my co-workers, Sunday School classmates, family are praying for me. Just that thought envelopes me in a warm feeling, like God is wrapping a very soft quilt across my shoulders. It's then that I don't feel so alone.
Love ya,
Cathy
My weekend was partially consumed with shopping with Andrea, which at first I felt guilty about. But, when you think about it, it is something she greatly enjoys and gives her happiness. In a way, it is helping her to return to being healthy and feeling "normal". She's turning into quite the clothes/shoes consumer, let me tell you. AND, she knows how to spot a bargain. We each bought at least two new outfits for my cousin's wedding and rehearsal dinner the first weekend in November. (Our plane tickets are also purchased for that event, really looking forward to it!)
Michael had a melt-down on Saturday night. He insisted on cutting his own hair and trimming his beard, which he has done for decades. Something which once came so easily is now a life-threatening effort. He cried for an hour about losing life bit by bit. He wants to die and who can blame him? When I phoned the house this morning, he was of the same mind-set and begged me to phone his hospice volunteer and cancel for this afternoon. I refused to do it, stating it may make him feel better. He tends to perk up when there are other folks around, as if to impress them and be a bit of a performer. And you know what, I was right! He sounded a lot better this afternoon. I phoned his hospice nurse who is going to have the respiratory therapist stop at the house. We're also going to set up visits from home health care aides from now on. It's time.
I read an ad in the weekly paper about an organization called Mason Serves which helps with work around the house. I phoned them this morning and we may ask them to do some of the chores in the yard which Danny unfortunately didn't have the time to get to this summer. I've never had to ask for help with my home, so making that phone call this morning made me swallow my pride a bit. But there are things I cannot do - such as the big logs in the middle of the yard, the well cover on the foundation window, etc. Things which Michael could have done three years ago.....
Me? I did a bit of quilting on the frame. My goal is to get the current project on the frame quilted by this time next week, so that will give me plenty of time for the hand sewing on the binding. There's a quilters' meeting at church tonight I've love to attend, but things being what they are with Michael, I may skip it. Depends on how he and Andrea are doing.
Andrea is supposed to transition back to school this week. Please keep her in your prayers. She's quite anxious about returning.
And while you're at it, remember me in your prayers. At times I feel like my foundation is cracking, but then I remember how many of you, my co-workers, Sunday School classmates, family are praying for me. Just that thought envelopes me in a warm feeling, like God is wrapping a very soft quilt across my shoulders. It's then that I don't feel so alone.
Love ya,
Cathy
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Answer To Prayer
Michael's turning to God.
He told me last night he is praying. Didn't say what he was praying for, but the communication lines are open! When I talked with Martin on the phone, he confided to me that Michael discussed his blossoming belief in God with him. He's reaching out, Martin said, before he meets his maker!
How wonderful is that! He's yet to discuss it in depth with me. Perhaps a bit embarrassed by doing such an about-face (so to speak). But, I'm so happy to hear about it!
Michael and I did talk about hope and faith in God briefly after he told me about the praying. If it gives him hope - that is fantastic. Things will get better, I said, perhaps not in this lifetime for him, but they will get better.
I slept well last night.
We went out for dinner last night at the local Chinese buffet. It may have been Michael's last trip to that favorite restaurant since he greatly struggled getting his dinner (he didn't want anybody to fetch his meal!) and getting into the car for the trip home. He even declined a trip into Big Lots - his favorite store - even in a wheelchair. After dinner, we watched "Shutter Island" - horrible film. I think we need more comedies on our Netflix list!
Andrea seemed in better spirits when I left her this morning. At least she was talking with me! I removed the scales from her room - found them hidden in her closet - and the therapist said to get them out. Her doctor increased the dosage on one of her meds and she slept well last night as well. Milly slept in her bed - those two are getting quite attached to each other.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus
Phillipians 4:6-7
Love ya,
Cathy
He told me last night he is praying. Didn't say what he was praying for, but the communication lines are open! When I talked with Martin on the phone, he confided to me that Michael discussed his blossoming belief in God with him. He's reaching out, Martin said, before he meets his maker!
How wonderful is that! He's yet to discuss it in depth with me. Perhaps a bit embarrassed by doing such an about-face (so to speak). But, I'm so happy to hear about it!
Michael and I did talk about hope and faith in God briefly after he told me about the praying. If it gives him hope - that is fantastic. Things will get better, I said, perhaps not in this lifetime for him, but they will get better.
I slept well last night.
We went out for dinner last night at the local Chinese buffet. It may have been Michael's last trip to that favorite restaurant since he greatly struggled getting his dinner (he didn't want anybody to fetch his meal!) and getting into the car for the trip home. He even declined a trip into Big Lots - his favorite store - even in a wheelchair. After dinner, we watched "Shutter Island" - horrible film. I think we need more comedies on our Netflix list!
Andrea seemed in better spirits when I left her this morning. At least she was talking with me! I removed the scales from her room - found them hidden in her closet - and the therapist said to get them out. Her doctor increased the dosage on one of her meds and she slept well last night as well. Milly slept in her bed - those two are getting quite attached to each other.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus
Phillipians 4:6-7
Love ya,
Cathy
Monday, October 11, 2010
October Up-Date
Dear Folks,
It's almost gotten to the point where I don't want to post any longer because the news gets progressively worse with both Michael and Andrea.
Andrea experienced a set-back in her dealings with purging and cutting. I took her back to the Lindner Center of Hope on Thursday night and they kept her overnight. She's now in the out-patient program there - who knows for how long. I suppose that depends on my insurance and what they're willing to pay for. She's adamant that she's fat at 119 pounds (5'4") and NOBODY is going to convince her otherwise. She's hiding her food on the tray at the center and I will have to point that out to the nutritionist. The cutting? I think she does it to handle stress. But I cannot for the life of me understand why she has such a low opinion of herself. I wept a lot the last few days.
Meanwhile, Michael's downhill slide continues. Two more prescriptions to pick up at the pharmacy tonight. At the moment, he's sleeping on a chair on the front porch (it's 5 pm). We were almost to the point where I couldn't handle his crap any longer and told him I wanted him to return to England. Not his choice. After discussing the situation with his friend Martin (a fellow Brit) I came to the conclusion that he probably wouldn't handle the travel well and wouldn't last long in the crappy English weather. So, he's going to stay here. I told him that if he took his anger and frustrations out on me and Andrea again, we're leaving for a hotel or my brother's house until he cools off. Neither one of us deserves being poorly treated. But it's until death do us part.......And what kind of example would I be setting for Andrea if I booted him back across the pond? Also, his eldest daughter is backtracking on her offer to take him in. According to her, once she thought about it, his quality of life would be poor - no central heat, confined to one or two rooms (small ones at that), no way to go anywhere, etc.......Frankly, I'm upset by her backtracking, but what can I do?
The saving grace this week is the presence of Michael's youngest daughter and her boyfriend. It's too bad they're leaving on Friday. I dread how he's going to be when they leave.
I returned to work after a week off and found it helped me. For a few hours I can try to forget about the stress from home. At least until the cell phone rings.....
I finished two quilts last week. Seems my company liked to sleep in until 11. I got up with Andrea, saw her off to school and sewed until the visitors got out of bed. A third quilt is on the frame now, but it likely won't be finished until next week. My bed's in the sewing room at the moment.
Sleep is definitely something I need right now. I tried sleeping with Michael - he's noisier than ever. Even with the ear plugs it was impossible to sleep with the man. Then I slept with Andrea a few nights after she returned from Lindner. I kept her awake, it seemed. I was on the sofa this morning at 3 am - wrapped up in a quilt and trying to sleep when Milly pounced on me. Eventually she settled into a spot on the quilt, but I got very little rest last night. I put one of the extra twin bed mattresses we have on the floor of the sewing room when I got home from work tonight. It's just for four more nights. I slept ok like that when Margaret was here last summer.
It's so hard to stay positive with all that's going on. I try. Skipped church on Sunday since I was so tired and sleep deprived - curled up on the sofa and didn't wake until 11! That is REALLY odd for me. Usually 9 am is late. So, I didn't get my usual dose of optimism through Christ Jesus on Sunday. I'll get it through self-study this week.
Please keep us all in your prayers. I do believe things will get better, hopefully soon!
Love ya,
Cathy
It's almost gotten to the point where I don't want to post any longer because the news gets progressively worse with both Michael and Andrea.
Andrea experienced a set-back in her dealings with purging and cutting. I took her back to the Lindner Center of Hope on Thursday night and they kept her overnight. She's now in the out-patient program there - who knows for how long. I suppose that depends on my insurance and what they're willing to pay for. She's adamant that she's fat at 119 pounds (5'4") and NOBODY is going to convince her otherwise. She's hiding her food on the tray at the center and I will have to point that out to the nutritionist. The cutting? I think she does it to handle stress. But I cannot for the life of me understand why she has such a low opinion of herself. I wept a lot the last few days.
Meanwhile, Michael's downhill slide continues. Two more prescriptions to pick up at the pharmacy tonight. At the moment, he's sleeping on a chair on the front porch (it's 5 pm). We were almost to the point where I couldn't handle his crap any longer and told him I wanted him to return to England. Not his choice. After discussing the situation with his friend Martin (a fellow Brit) I came to the conclusion that he probably wouldn't handle the travel well and wouldn't last long in the crappy English weather. So, he's going to stay here. I told him that if he took his anger and frustrations out on me and Andrea again, we're leaving for a hotel or my brother's house until he cools off. Neither one of us deserves being poorly treated. But it's until death do us part.......And what kind of example would I be setting for Andrea if I booted him back across the pond? Also, his eldest daughter is backtracking on her offer to take him in. According to her, once she thought about it, his quality of life would be poor - no central heat, confined to one or two rooms (small ones at that), no way to go anywhere, etc.......Frankly, I'm upset by her backtracking, but what can I do?
The saving grace this week is the presence of Michael's youngest daughter and her boyfriend. It's too bad they're leaving on Friday. I dread how he's going to be when they leave.
I returned to work after a week off and found it helped me. For a few hours I can try to forget about the stress from home. At least until the cell phone rings.....
I finished two quilts last week. Seems my company liked to sleep in until 11. I got up with Andrea, saw her off to school and sewed until the visitors got out of bed. A third quilt is on the frame now, but it likely won't be finished until next week. My bed's in the sewing room at the moment.
Sleep is definitely something I need right now. I tried sleeping with Michael - he's noisier than ever. Even with the ear plugs it was impossible to sleep with the man. Then I slept with Andrea a few nights after she returned from Lindner. I kept her awake, it seemed. I was on the sofa this morning at 3 am - wrapped up in a quilt and trying to sleep when Milly pounced on me. Eventually she settled into a spot on the quilt, but I got very little rest last night. I put one of the extra twin bed mattresses we have on the floor of the sewing room when I got home from work tonight. It's just for four more nights. I slept ok like that when Margaret was here last summer.
It's so hard to stay positive with all that's going on. I try. Skipped church on Sunday since I was so tired and sleep deprived - curled up on the sofa and didn't wake until 11! That is REALLY odd for me. Usually 9 am is late. So, I didn't get my usual dose of optimism through Christ Jesus on Sunday. I'll get it through self-study this week.
Please keep us all in your prayers. I do believe things will get better, hopefully soon!
Love ya,
Cathy
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