Each day brings with it a different challenge. Some easier than others. Michael was having a few good days last week - he was happy and feeling OK. Even talked about spring and summer coming. He does admit that it may be wishful thinking, but it does boost his spirits better than any pill can at this point. And for him to be happy on a drab winter day is a real accomplishment.
This morning when I got to the office, I found an e-mail waiting for me from Michael:
Each day, I see my lovely little Cathy and each day I cry. I wanted to grow old with Cathy. I wanted to take her to England every couple of years to meet up with the rest of the family. The love and the laughter at these events was so much fun. We didn't dream too big did we? We weren't asking for too much? Twenty years or so to spend together. Tending the garden, mowing the lawn. Watching the odd sunset now and again.
Cathy, my love, I'm so sorry I can't make our dream come true.
But know this my dear wife - I loved you with all my heart.
He told me he was crying earlier that afternoon, and now I know why. He was writing the above.
You do not need to apologize for not making my dreams come true. Dreams alter at every stage of life and often are forgotten in the day to day scheme of things. But is nice to remember them and dust them off from time to time. And I'm pleased to say that although my dreams have changed, you are and always will be a part of them.
Sweety, you have made so many of my wishes come true and for that I will be forever grateful. I look at things vastly different now thanks to you. We have spent time in England and with your family. We have cut grass. We have seen sunsets, spectacular ones, eh? Those are memories that I will have forever.
And even though you won't be with me in person, your spirit and love will remain in my heart. I'll always have you there.
Writing e-mails back and forth was fun during the early stages in our relationship. It never dawned on me that we'd use this medium now. But it's helpful. Some of the things we shared are really too painful to speak, but much easier to write. Honestly, I couldn't speak the words mentioned above without the tears flowing.
Michael's probably the same way. He's asked me to help him dictate letters to each of his children. God give us the strength to give each of those four letters the love and respect they deserve.