I apologize to my friends and followers for not posting until now. My life has been rather hectic which means blogging unfortunately has taken a "back seat".
Michael's health continues to deteriorate. Each week brings a new medication, a different piece of medical equipment, or procedure to follow. He spends nearly all his time sleeping, which is probably a combination of his disease and the medications. Once he told me the only time he's truly comfortable is when he sleeps. Even sitting up in bed taxes his ability to breathe. His legs and feet are swollen from congestive heart failure and poor circulation. The hospice nurse offered to increase his medication for that, but Michael refused it. Debbie (the nurse) told me over the phone his blood pressure is very low and going lower each week. Increasing the lasix could depress it even more. Here's the dilemma: Take one pill; it causes a problem which requires another pill. The morphine creates constipation which requires the use of another drug. Last week, Michel complained of a sore throat and we discovered he has thrush - more medication.
Priscilla comes every day now to bathe Michael, monitor his symptoms, change his bedding and spoil my pets (LOL - Daisy's gained weight since Priscilla arrived at our house. She feeds Daisy biscuits.) If she notices something different with Michael, she's on the phone immediately to Debbie. Knowing that Priscilla is with Michael every afternoon, removes a huge bit of worry from my shoulders.
I cannot express how grateful I am to Hospice of Cincinnati for all the care, love and support they have given Michael and me.
Michael's children continue to disappoint me. They know their father is dying, but they don't call very often, they don't write, and until last week, they didn't even e-mail. He rarely talks about it, but I know it troubles him.
My son, however, boosted the Michael's spirits last week. He wrote an e-mail to him (As he said, it's easier to write these things) and told Michael how much he loved him. "You have contributed more to who I am today than my real father has," he wrote. It was a very loving e-mail and I'm so proud of my dear boy for writing it.
Speaking of Danny, he earned all A's winter quarter at UC. One of his works is slated for a gallery show next month.
Andrea's practicing her driving for the licensing exam. She's applied for a few jobs without success, but I'm sure she'll find the perfect little job. She's been a tremendous help with Michael as well.
Me? I find comfort in my children's successes obviously. LOL I work, attend church, shop, clean, watch a bit of television now and then. Quilting? Sometimes, but it's sad. The kittens spend more time in the sewing room than I do. I finished a quilt for a co-worker's wedding gift a couple of weeks ago and a lap quilt for a silent auction at the office. That's been the extent of my finishes. I'm working on Easter placemats - handsewing the binding. I am going to take a day off in a few weeks to attend the International Quilt Show in Cincinnati.
My mother was here two weeks ago to watch my nephews whilst my brother and his wife were on a cruise. We spent a lot of time together, which felt wonderful. I admit I cried when she went back home.
The one thing I do for myself each week is a counseling session. My therapist is a wonderful, insightful lady. Her advice is sound and I try my best to follow it. But, she asked me a question last week that I could not answer. "How much longer are you going to be able to keep doing what you are?"
Still can't answer with any degree of certainty. As long as it takes, I suppose. Only God knows when Michael will leave this earth. I do know, however, that everything is going to be all right eventually. This whole experience has drawn me closer to God and if that is the one thing which remains with me then it has been worth it.
Love ya,
Cathy
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