Sunday, May 1, 2011

A New Month

Each week seems to bring another "first" without Michael. Last week it was "first" Easter. Now today, it's first new month.

My mood seems to be all over the boards the last few days. Friday was by far the worst day for me in three weeks. Work was a disaster - I had to decline a lot of business which my friend wrote. I know it was the proper thing to do from a risk standpoint, but that fact certainly didn't help when I knew I was contributing to my friend's worst work week in 30 years. I also had to cancel my counseling appointment this week because of work. After nearly two hours of overtime, I drove home and found the life insurance check in the mail.

I suppose some people would think that was a good thing - Michael's way of helping me out in the future. However, I saw it as an "official" telling me he truly was gone. I couldn't talk to anybody on Saturday without bursting into tears. I deposited the check into an account and I will "forget" about it for a few months.

Today? Much better. I went to church and celebrated the Lord's day with my friends. No tears! How's that for an achievement? Andrea's out with her dad, so I took the opportunity to get some sewing done - finished the paper pieced blocks for my church quilting group and two blocks for a super secret project. As soon as Andrea returns, we're headed to my brother's house for dinner. I made a pineapple-upside down cake for dessert - my dad's favorite. I hadn't made one for years since Michael wasn't a big fan of that cake.

I talked with a friend at the "Raise the Walls" event at church yesterday. She lost her husband a year ago and has offered to be my "mentor" through the process I'm going through. She explained the roller-coaster of emotions I'm going through is perfectly natural. But, it will get better, she promised.

Some good news - Andrea passed her driver's license test on Thursday. I'm not sure who was more nervous about the test - me or her? LOL The relief on that young woman's face after the test was priceless. Now, she can concentrate on getting a job.

So, life goes on. Every day another hurdle crossed. Sleep gets easier. And I'm doing things I LIKE to do and am not making any plans beyond tomorrow. Last night I watched "Doctor Zhivago", one of my favorite movies to watch when I want to feel better. I have a handle of movies like that and I intend on popping them each into the DVD player when the need arises in the coming days.

And you know what? My sewing machine seemed happy to see me again.

Love ya,


Regina said...

Hugs to you - everyday!!!

Anonymous said...

Glad you're finding your way. Still keeping you and yours in my prayers. hugs!!

Bella said...

It does get "easier" to deal with your loss which does not mean you will miss him less. It's good to not try to look beyond a day or two as each one brings it's own challange. I'm thirteen years out from my husband's death and I can tell you Michael will always be part of you life.
I'll keep you in my prayers.

Linda and Piwacket said...

I think you're doing an amazing job considering how recently everything has happened. Remember that there's no time table for you.