Monday, September 27, 2010

Finding Daily Strength

Although I was off work all last week, it wasn't the easiest of times for me. It was sheer heaven getting up early, seeing Andrea off to school and then sewing until Michael decided to get out of bed. I managed to put together a good amount of items to sell at the craft fair. The unfortunate bit was poor attendance at the event. Still, it was a good time and Andrea enjoyed it too. We'll try to do another fair soon.

I'm struggling with how to word what lays so heavily on my heart at the moment. Michael's anger has affected us all. He has said some extremely hateful things to me and Andrea. One problem with that is how it affects Andrea whose self-esteem is so low. She cut herself the Sunday before last in an effort to handle all her stressors. At least she found the strength to come get me before it got out of hand. Her counselor thinks she needs out-patient care so I've contacted Lindner Center again. A break from the daily grind may help her.

Meanwhile, Andrea and Michael are not talking with each other at all. Michael feels he has done nothing wrong - he is no worse than any other dying man. (I beg to differ with him on this subject!) I am on edge constantly when I am around him - knowing what I say or do will set him off without warning. I talked with my brother and he's agreed to let Andrea and I stay at their house if things get too much for us. The hospice social worker told him he needs to find another way to handle his anger, but that went in one ear and out the other.

So, my pals, it's not too easy at the moment. If it wasn't for my faith, family, and sewing (of course!) I would be g-o-n-e.

I finished a quilt to donate for a raffle to raise money for a co-worker's medical costs. Sure hope it makes a difference. Next on tap - two quilts for buddies at work - for hire. They're all pieced. Then I have to quilt my cousin's wedding quilt - it's all pieced as well. So, loads of time on the frame for me in the immediate future. That's when and if I can grab the time.

I think I've used this quote before on my blog, but it bears repeating:

Our broken lives are not lost or useless. God's love is still working. He comes in and takes the calamity and uses it victoriously, working out his wonderful plan of love.
-Eric Liddell

Keeping my eye on that victory and love!

Love ya,


Moneik said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayes! You are a very strong woman and I admire your strength in this difficult time. Keep on sewing, it's good therapy.

The Calico Cat said...

You know, I get mad everytime I read about how your Michael acts, because my Michael can & does act that way too - but he isn't actively dieing...

I wish I could take in stride better - like you at least sound like you are doing...

No, we just butt heads & that really isn't helping either of us.

Michele said...

Oh, Cathy, my heart aches for you. Can you take your brother up on his offer for a weekend? Would that maybe knock some sense into a thick head? Sending up prayers and positive thoughts for you and Andrea.

Anonymous said...

I'm praying. It's the only thing I know to do. Bless you.

Linda and Piwacket said...

You, Andrea and Michael are in my daily prayers. You are a woman of strength and compassion.