Even fifteen minutes of sewing makes a huge difference! I managed to sneak away and stitch up three scarves my mom asked me to create for her. The hand-stitching needs to be done, but not bad at all for only 15 minutes.
My poor sewing room is such a disaster! I have Buckeye Bouquet squares stacked in one area, Winnie The Pooh squares on top of a half-finished Log Cabin. AND 18 half-complete squares for a Thimbleberries quilt for a wedding gift due March 3. I won't even mention the project for my church's quilting club - that's neatly tucked away in a tote bag. God created doors for a reason, so I cheerfully closed the door on my sewing room, the mess out of sight for now. SIGH!
Miss Milly is recovering from her operation and is quickly returning to her typical kitty behavior. I have to give her medicine twice a day which is rather challenging. The vet gave us pre-loaded syringes, very helpful.
So, for the time being, I'm the resident medicine dispenser gal at our house. At least I don't have to prop Michael's jaw open to slide his pills down his throat. LOL! He's a lot more willing patient than Milly is!
Yesterday was "Nursy" day for Michael. The hospice nurse paid her weekly visit and promptly ordered Michael a different oxygen concentrator. That thing is so noisy - it scares the kittens. What concerned me is the fact Michael was struggling for breath even when he just sat up in bed. This morning, Michael was sitting on the edge of the bed at 5:30 - never a good sign when he's up at that time of day. His aide will be with him today. Lovely girl - she's learned to bribe Michael into the shower with pastries from Servatti's. Seriously, she brings cakes and turnovers to him every visit and he LOVES it.
Andrea's been accepted at UC - the regional campus for the first year. She was disappointed at first that main campus wasn't offered, but she'll end up there ultimately. That's one more hurdle crossed! She's going to New Orleans with her dad for a week in early March. I think the time away will be good for her. She's been helping out with Michael so much.
I took a sneak peek at the list of vendors for the upcoming International Quilt Show in early April. WOW! No more fabric or notions shopping for this chick - I'm saving my spending money for that show - it's going to be great!
Love ya,
Cathy
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Writing From The Heart
Each day brings with it a different challenge. Some easier than others. Michael was having a few good days last week - he was happy and feeling OK. Even talked about spring and summer coming. He does admit that it may be wishful thinking, but it does boost his spirits better than any pill can at this point. And for him to be happy on a drab winter day is a real accomplishment.
This morning when I got to the office, I found an e-mail waiting for me from Michael:
Each day, I see my lovely little Cathy and each day I cry. I wanted to grow old with Cathy. I wanted to take her to England every couple of years to meet up with the rest of the family. The love and the laughter at these events was so much fun. We didn't dream too big did we? We weren't asking for too much? Twenty years or so to spend together. Tending the garden, mowing the lawn. Watching the odd sunset now and again.
Cathy, my love, I'm so sorry I can't make our dream come true.
But know this my dear wife - I loved you with all my heart.
He told me he was crying earlier that afternoon, and now I know why. He was writing the above.
My response:
You do not need to apologize for not making my dreams come true. Dreams alter at every stage of life and often are forgotten in the day to day scheme of things. But is nice to remember them and dust them off from time to time. And I'm pleased to say that although my dreams have changed, you are and always will be a part of them.
Sweety, you have made so many of my wishes come true and for that I will be forever grateful. I look at things vastly different now thanks to you. We have spent time in England and with your family. We have cut grass. We have seen sunsets, spectacular ones, eh? Those are memories that I will have forever.
And even though you won't be with me in person, your spirit and love will remain in my heart. I'll always have you there.
Writing e-mails back and forth was fun during the early stages in our relationship. It never dawned on me that we'd use this medium now. But it's helpful. Some of the things we shared are really too painful to speak, but much easier to write. Honestly, I couldn't speak the words mentioned above without the tears flowing.
Michael's probably the same way. He's asked me to help him dictate letters to each of his children. God give us the strength to give each of those four letters the love and respect they deserve.
Hugs,
Cathy
This morning when I got to the office, I found an e-mail waiting for me from Michael:
Each day, I see my lovely little Cathy and each day I cry. I wanted to grow old with Cathy. I wanted to take her to England every couple of years to meet up with the rest of the family. The love and the laughter at these events was so much fun. We didn't dream too big did we? We weren't asking for too much? Twenty years or so to spend together. Tending the garden, mowing the lawn. Watching the odd sunset now and again.
Cathy, my love, I'm so sorry I can't make our dream come true.
But know this my dear wife - I loved you with all my heart.
He told me he was crying earlier that afternoon, and now I know why. He was writing the above.
My response:
You do not need to apologize for not making my dreams come true. Dreams alter at every stage of life and often are forgotten in the day to day scheme of things. But is nice to remember them and dust them off from time to time. And I'm pleased to say that although my dreams have changed, you are and always will be a part of them.
Sweety, you have made so many of my wishes come true and for that I will be forever grateful. I look at things vastly different now thanks to you. We have spent time in England and with your family. We have cut grass. We have seen sunsets, spectacular ones, eh? Those are memories that I will have forever.
And even though you won't be with me in person, your spirit and love will remain in my heart. I'll always have you there.
Writing e-mails back and forth was fun during the early stages in our relationship. It never dawned on me that we'd use this medium now. But it's helpful. Some of the things we shared are really too painful to speak, but much easier to write. Honestly, I couldn't speak the words mentioned above without the tears flowing.
Michael's probably the same way. He's asked me to help him dictate letters to each of his children. God give us the strength to give each of those four letters the love and respect they deserve.
Hugs,
Cathy
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
No Sewing
Stash busting report - nope
Design wall - none to show
Fabric acquisition - 0
No mystery quilt, monochromatic quilt, no flimsies, UFOs, or PIGS worked on
S*I*G*H! The kittens spend more time in my sewing room than I have lately.
After feeling awful for a couple of days, I got checked out at an urgent care on Saturday afternoon. Yep, I had the creeping crud that's going around. Two shots in the hips (OUCH!) Two prescriptions too. I slept from 7:30 pm Saturday until 11 am Sunday! Missed church on Sunday, work on Monday and finally began feeling half-way human by that evening.
It also meant I had to keep my contact with Michael to a minimum. That was probably the toughest bit.
Monday morning Michael had another of those attacks when he feels like he's drowning and can't get any oxygen. Managed to calm him down and on more medication before the hospice nurse came by for an emergency visit. We've made some changes - he's now in a hospital bed, has a potty chair by the bed. His doctor wanted a chest x-ray, so a company was contacted which performs home x-rays. They paid us a visit last night. Michael's not doing well, folks. He confided to me that he asked God to take him home. Please keep him in your prayers.
My brother and nephew came over yesterday to tear down the king-sized bed in our bedroom to make more room for the new bed and equipment. They also cranked up the snowblower and helped Andrea clear the walk and driveway of snow....which was snow-covered again this morning. Ugh! But, I'm soooooooo grateful for Jimmy and his family's help and love. Jimmy phones me nearly every night to ask how things are going.
Keep warm and safe!
Love ya,
Cathy
Design wall - none to show
Fabric acquisition - 0
No mystery quilt, monochromatic quilt, no flimsies, UFOs, or PIGS worked on
S*I*G*H! The kittens spend more time in my sewing room than I have lately.
After feeling awful for a couple of days, I got checked out at an urgent care on Saturday afternoon. Yep, I had the creeping crud that's going around. Two shots in the hips (OUCH!) Two prescriptions too. I slept from 7:30 pm Saturday until 11 am Sunday! Missed church on Sunday, work on Monday and finally began feeling half-way human by that evening.
It also meant I had to keep my contact with Michael to a minimum. That was probably the toughest bit.
Monday morning Michael had another of those attacks when he feels like he's drowning and can't get any oxygen. Managed to calm him down and on more medication before the hospice nurse came by for an emergency visit. We've made some changes - he's now in a hospital bed, has a potty chair by the bed. His doctor wanted a chest x-ray, so a company was contacted which performs home x-rays. They paid us a visit last night. Michael's not doing well, folks. He confided to me that he asked God to take him home. Please keep him in your prayers.
My brother and nephew came over yesterday to tear down the king-sized bed in our bedroom to make more room for the new bed and equipment. They also cranked up the snowblower and helped Andrea clear the walk and driveway of snow....which was snow-covered again this morning. Ugh! But, I'm soooooooo grateful for Jimmy and his family's help and love. Jimmy phones me nearly every night to ask how things are going.
Keep warm and safe!
Love ya,
Cathy
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Buckeye Bouquets
Hooray for THE Ohio State University winning the Sugar Bowl last night. I'm glad I didn't stay up for the entire game since the ending would have stressed me out to the max and little sleep if any would have been possible.
In honor of my Alma mater, I began working on a quilt last weekend - pattern is named Buckeye Bouquet. I've completed all the required 300 squares and hopefully will start piecing them together this evening. There are several other projects on the go as well - one is an Eeyore quilt for Andrea, who needs to instruct me on block placement before I go any further.
The sewing has proven to be an excellent stress relief the last few days when I've managed to sneak in an hour or two in the sewing room. That's not always possible. I can't hear Michael from the sewing room so I may move my sewing machine and desk into the family room for the time being.
The last several days haven't been too bad for Michael. He actually found the energy to sit at the dinner table on Sunday and Monday nights. However, he did fall asleep sitting at the table after the meals. His appetite just isn't there any more and there are times he barely touches what we've prepared. In addition to the electric-based oxygen supply, he now needs a portable tank whenever he walks to the bathroom or kitchen. Even with two lines, he still struggles and has to take it slow. No wonder he rarely ventures out of the bedroom. He had his evening meal in bed last night - the home health care aide visited yesterday and showering, although it feels excellent to be clean, wears him out. His attitude has dramatically improved since Thanksgiving -very few angry outbursts. I attribute that to his acceptance of God and him finally realizing what a stress his situation has placed on the entire family.
Sophie, the little kitten we adopted last fall, spends a lot of time in bed with Michael during the day. There have been plenty of times I see Sophie's little black head pop up on the pillow next to Michael. She always makes him smile too! I'm sure if he were healthy and able, he'd spoil that kitten rotten.
Tattoo Boy's birthday is this Saturday - he's supposed to let me know what he wants me to cook and we're having a meal at home so Michael can participate. One thing he's certain of - He wants a chocolate chip cheesecake.
So, not much new at Chez Howe. We're just trying to make the best of each day as it comes.
Love ya,
Cathy
In honor of my Alma mater, I began working on a quilt last weekend - pattern is named Buckeye Bouquet. I've completed all the required 300 squares and hopefully will start piecing them together this evening. There are several other projects on the go as well - one is an Eeyore quilt for Andrea, who needs to instruct me on block placement before I go any further.
The sewing has proven to be an excellent stress relief the last few days when I've managed to sneak in an hour or two in the sewing room. That's not always possible. I can't hear Michael from the sewing room so I may move my sewing machine and desk into the family room for the time being.
The last several days haven't been too bad for Michael. He actually found the energy to sit at the dinner table on Sunday and Monday nights. However, he did fall asleep sitting at the table after the meals. His appetite just isn't there any more and there are times he barely touches what we've prepared. In addition to the electric-based oxygen supply, he now needs a portable tank whenever he walks to the bathroom or kitchen. Even with two lines, he still struggles and has to take it slow. No wonder he rarely ventures out of the bedroom. He had his evening meal in bed last night - the home health care aide visited yesterday and showering, although it feels excellent to be clean, wears him out. His attitude has dramatically improved since Thanksgiving -very few angry outbursts. I attribute that to his acceptance of God and him finally realizing what a stress his situation has placed on the entire family.
Sophie, the little kitten we adopted last fall, spends a lot of time in bed with Michael during the day. There have been plenty of times I see Sophie's little black head pop up on the pillow next to Michael. She always makes him smile too! I'm sure if he were healthy and able, he'd spoil that kitten rotten.
Tattoo Boy's birthday is this Saturday - he's supposed to let me know what he wants me to cook and we're having a meal at home so Michael can participate. One thing he's certain of - He wants a chocolate chip cheesecake.
So, not much new at Chez Howe. We're just trying to make the best of each day as it comes.
Love ya,
Cathy
Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy New Year 2011!
Despite Michael's deteriorating health, I'm doing my best to ring in the new year with a positive attitude and an eye toward my future. Whatever God has planned for me will enrich my life here in earth. The pain Michael and I are experiencing now will make all the future happier times so much more enjoyable - his in heaven. That fact alone makes me smile: an enormous change just in the last few months.
So, with that in mind, here are my hopes and goals for 2011:
-to make Michael's last days on earth as comfortable as possible
-once he enters our Father's loving arms, to remember the good times and celebrate the life he had
-appreciate and love my family more through actions and words
-pray more
-study God's word more
-participate in more activities at church
-cherish existing friendships and cultivate new ones
-stick to the budget (toughie)
-exercise more (yuch)
-plan healthier meals
-keep sewing room tidier
-quilt at least one flimsy every month
I think that's enough to keep me occupied. LOL!
Seriously, I wish you the happiest, healthiest and best of New Years. Let's make 2011 one of our best!
I love you all,
Cathy
So, with that in mind, here are my hopes and goals for 2011:
-to make Michael's last days on earth as comfortable as possible
-once he enters our Father's loving arms, to remember the good times and celebrate the life he had
-appreciate and love my family more through actions and words
-pray more
-study God's word more
-participate in more activities at church
-cherish existing friendships and cultivate new ones
-stick to the budget (toughie)
-exercise more (yuch)
-plan healthier meals
-keep sewing room tidier
-quilt at least one flimsy every month
I think that's enough to keep me occupied. LOL!
Seriously, I wish you the happiest, healthiest and best of New Years. Let's make 2011 one of our best!
I love you all,
Cathy
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Better Days
I found this photo amongst the stored pictures in our computer. This was probably taken at the Pops on the Lawn concert several years ago. No oxygen tubes, no wheelchair - just funny faces and Michael's goofy summer hat.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Wrapping It Up
I sincerely hope and pray that you all had a very blessed Christmas. Mine was unusual compared to those of the past, but nonetheless it was probably one of the best I've had. My children were home with me most of the time. We shared our holiday with my brother and his lovely family. AND I kept my concentration on the reason for the season. For those reasons, I greatly enjoyed Christmas.
Michael managed to sit through dinner with my brother's family on Christmas Eve. He also made it through opening presents on Christmas morning before returning to bed. He slept all day, only getting up in time for dinner. Even then, he ate very little. But, since the kids were at their grandparents' home, it afforded us an opportunity to talk about some things which required a bit of privacy. One that was foremost in my mind was to let him know that it was OK to let go. He doesn't need to "hang on" just for me or anybody else. We're all going to be OK and he understood/agreed. The hospice nurse wanted me to make sure he knew that since his will can be rather strong. Michael also told me that if euthanasia were legal he would have opted for it months ago. The poor man is suffering, perhaps not a physical pain most minutes, and he wants to leave this world.
Several nights before Christmas, I had to phone Hospice late at night because he was experiencing severe pain in his hands and arms. The nurse was at the house 15 minutes after the phone call. (I'm continually amazed by the care we receive from that organization.) Michael's experiencing all the signs and symptoms of congestive heart failure.
My prayer for Michael is that he can leave this world by simply going to sleep - it's what he wants - painless.
Martin was not able to visit on Boxing Day as the poor man is experiencing health issues of his own.
The children seemed to really liked the gifts they received this year. Andrea was overcome with emotion when I gave her my engagement diamond reset in a necklace. And, the best part for me is that only one gift has to be returned! My aunt and uncle in Memphis were thrilled by their gift - the Steelers quilt I made for them. Mom and Ken liked their new tabletopper. All in all a good gifting year. I get a lot of joy from giving people things they like.
It should be a hectic work week being the year-end cut off for our producers. Hoping to get out of the office at a reasonable hour on Friday since Andrea and Danny will be joining me for a dinner out at BD's Mongolian grill. Our annual New Year's Eve tradition of Chinese buffet is being altered since our favorite place closed and we love the new grill. Depending on how Michael is doing, we'll bring him a plate of his favorite sweet and sour chicken and then greet the new year at home. Boring yes, but enjoyable for me. Danny will probably leave our party for one more of his speed and Andrea wants her best friend to stay overnight.
I'll try to post later this week on my goals and hopes for 2011. It holds me accountable. For 2010, I wanted to become more active in the church and I'm happy to report that resolution stuck more than any other I've ever made. It's "paid back" immeasurably.
Love ya,
Cathy
Michael managed to sit through dinner with my brother's family on Christmas Eve. He also made it through opening presents on Christmas morning before returning to bed. He slept all day, only getting up in time for dinner. Even then, he ate very little. But, since the kids were at their grandparents' home, it afforded us an opportunity to talk about some things which required a bit of privacy. One that was foremost in my mind was to let him know that it was OK to let go. He doesn't need to "hang on" just for me or anybody else. We're all going to be OK and he understood/agreed. The hospice nurse wanted me to make sure he knew that since his will can be rather strong. Michael also told me that if euthanasia were legal he would have opted for it months ago. The poor man is suffering, perhaps not a physical pain most minutes, and he wants to leave this world.
Several nights before Christmas, I had to phone Hospice late at night because he was experiencing severe pain in his hands and arms. The nurse was at the house 15 minutes after the phone call. (I'm continually amazed by the care we receive from that organization.) Michael's experiencing all the signs and symptoms of congestive heart failure.
My prayer for Michael is that he can leave this world by simply going to sleep - it's what he wants - painless.
Martin was not able to visit on Boxing Day as the poor man is experiencing health issues of his own.
The children seemed to really liked the gifts they received this year. Andrea was overcome with emotion when I gave her my engagement diamond reset in a necklace. And, the best part for me is that only one gift has to be returned! My aunt and uncle in Memphis were thrilled by their gift - the Steelers quilt I made for them. Mom and Ken liked their new tabletopper. All in all a good gifting year. I get a lot of joy from giving people things they like.
It should be a hectic work week being the year-end cut off for our producers. Hoping to get out of the office at a reasonable hour on Friday since Andrea and Danny will be joining me for a dinner out at BD's Mongolian grill. Our annual New Year's Eve tradition of Chinese buffet is being altered since our favorite place closed and we love the new grill. Depending on how Michael is doing, we'll bring him a plate of his favorite sweet and sour chicken and then greet the new year at home. Boring yes, but enjoyable for me. Danny will probably leave our party for one more of his speed and Andrea wants her best friend to stay overnight.
I'll try to post later this week on my goals and hopes for 2011. It holds me accountable. For 2010, I wanted to become more active in the church and I'm happy to report that resolution stuck more than any other I've ever made. It's "paid back" immeasurably.
Love ya,
Cathy
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